So, I don’t plan on making this too long today. I have had a lot of things come my way recently and I am still exploring what it all means and why it’s happening now, what am I supposed to take from it. If I believe everything happens for a reason, and the fact that I am an over-thinker, my brain has been on over-drive.
I am a very emotional person and I take on more than what I can handle sometimes. I remember being pregnant with Jeremiah when Hurricane Katrina hit and then when Natalee Holloway went missing. I took those two things way harder because my emotions were all over the place, it’s still hard to think about either because they bring back the feelings of helplessness. I try to keep away from news. Honey would stay up on it and let me know what I needed to but, now I don’t have that and unfortunately a lot of what’s going on is all over social media. It’s too much to handle, digest, comprehend, and filter through. My heart hurts because of what’s happening in this world. I am trying to move forward with my growth, understand what God’s purpose is for me and then we have to worry about our world. I learned today that I still have so much work ahead of me. I can’t see to multi-task my feelings. I need to be able to take more control over myself.
I know that change is being forced upon me, I can feel the universe pushing me towards the edge. I can feel the sun shining down on me and know that I am walking in God’s favor. I still have no clue where I am going but, my faith is strong. I understand that my voice is meant to be heard and I have to figure out my platform. What it is I want to speak on, I have to believe in it to give it my all. Change is coming.
I am working on communicating better. Trying to do better at reaching out and asking for assistance, learning to lean on others and hear what they have to say (especially if we have a difference of opinion). I don’t want to do this all by myself, I don’t want to make this journey alone so, I have to let people in and pray that they won’t hurt me. It’s scary but, not all people are meant to leave my life. Some will stay….and I won’t figure out who that is if I don’t let anyone in. I was building walls, big, formidable, can’t ever hurt me again walls and I’ve stopped. In order to feel love, I have to be able to feel pain so that I can know the difference.