Just Breathe

I think I am still in shock from the other day, in disbelief but, I realize now that’s on me. I do however feel like I can breathe better. I am not spending my days waiting for a notification on my phone or sitting on pins and needles and my heart feeling like it’s going to break into a million pieces. It broke and I’m dealing with the aftermath of that but, I survived and I’m ready to thrive.

We woke up early this morning to pick up groceries, I was going off of just a few hours of sleep because I just couldn’t fall asleep last night. I couldn’t drive since my left side is still hurting and my eye is super blurry. I didn’t want to risk driving, but, it was nice to go along for the ride. I got a good morning text from a friend and that was a great way to start my day. It makes my heart happy to know that people are thinking of me, that I popped in their head and they reached out…. I need to do more of that myself. It was a nice morning and it felt great to be out of the house if only to pick up food and come back home.

I had to rest most of the day so that hopefully I will feel better and won’t be forced to go to the hospital tomorrow. I convinced my family to wait but, things haven’t gotten better. My whole left side is still in pain, my leg and my arm hurt the most today but my side is hurting too. My eye doesn’t seem as red but I am trying to have my glasses on a lot to prevent strain. I didn’t get as much sleep as I would have liked today and should have gone to bed earlier but I just can’t get comfortable. Thankfully I am cuddling with baby girl right now so hopefully I’ll be able to call it a night after this.

Letting go of what I’ve dreamed of seems to be more difficult than I would like it to be. The upside of it all is that I can change my dreams, they can be adjusted or tweaked as many times as I need. So, right now I am starting slow, with little things. I am trying to work on a skin care regimen and actively looking for a place that we can call our own. I am continuously talking with god and all of the angels we have watching over us but, I am working on being intentional with my requests. Right now I have been asking more for guidance as I am not quite sure what it is we want. Like I said, we want a house, we want to be happy, we want to find our new normal, we want to hang out with friends, and so much more. I am thankful that we are able to make changes to what we want, that God allows us to adjust our plans as things unexpectedly happen.

This stay at home stuff is getting to me but, it’s also keeping me from doing things I would end up regretting. It is causing me to pause and truly think things out instead of acting on an impulse. I am so very grateful for that! But, there are some crazy things I want to do once I can break loose of all this. We are going to take some vacations and just do things that we haven’t really done. We are going to live life and take some chances. We aren’t getting any younger and my boy is closer to being an adult. We have to continue making memories and what’s more, I need to finally teach him not to be afraid of the world and I don’t know how else to do that than to show him his momma isn’t afraid. I want him to take chances and follow his gut, and find his way on an unbeaten path. I’ll have his back no matter what.

Well, now I am getting sleepy and I really don’t want to be up until 3am again tonight so, I will call it a night. I promise you that my heart is lighter than it has been the last couple of days. I am slowly learning to accept what I do have and to not fret over what I don’t. The future has so many possibilities and the prospects are plenty. With a pure heart and pure intentions, God will continue to guide me to my destiny. Goodnight all, until tomorrow!

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