Overcoming the Past

Raiyhn is my fur baby. She is our pretty pitty princess and momma’s little girl. Honey got her off of Facebook. Someone was giving her away as long as she went to a good home. She didn’t have the easiest life before we became her family. She was bred to fight but was the runt and so they were going to use her to train the others, she was taken from there and then said made to make babies. When she came to us, she immediately imprinted on her daddy, she was meant for us. I tried desperately not to fall for her because we did not need another dog but, I couldn’t help but fall in love. Now, I don’t know what I would do without her.

Raiyhn absolutely loves people. She is a little hesitant with men to begin with but, quickly warms up to them. She wants everyone to be her best friend and is such a lover. As for dogs, that’s a different story, especially male dogs, because of her past experiences, she has to prove she is the alpha. Either you yield to her or she will make you. Rafe had to find out the hard way but eventually succumbed and left her alone. They had no problem being together.

What I am getting at here, is no matter what comes her way, she always sees the good. People hurt her, they were mean to her, she still tenses when you initially touch her back and then calms down once she remembers that we would never hurt her. She loves hard and is so friendly when she has good reasons to not trust and be anti-social. If my beautiful girl can still be an amazing companion after all of the bad that life threw at her, then we should be able to as well. Her momma gives people the benefit of the doubt too…maybe she gets it from me. Or maybe, she is loved so much now that she is slowly forgetting all of the bad that she has experienced. Maybe we are proving to her that love can conquer all.

I was in my feelings today, lost in thought and in a lot of pain and my baby girl kept me close. She has been near me or cuddled with me all day. It’s like she knows and wants to make it all better for me. She is such a sweetheart and I am blessed to call her mine. She has truly helped to keep the yuck away and made me feel very loved. When I am feeling lonely she pays me extra attention and reminds me that there are those that need me to press on, to be okay. I am doing so good of keeping the faith and fighting the good fight but every once in a while doubt creeps in. I think that’s when my baby girl goes into overdrive to chase it away.

We are not our past, we are not what has happened to us. It does shape who we are, it teaches us lessons and can help in our growth but, it is never the determining factor unless we give into it. I have had bad things happen as well and I do my best not to let it affect me – there are some things I don’t have control over but, I do my best to give everyone a chance, multiple chances and to see the good in everything. I have good reason to wallow in self pity and give up, so does my Raiyhnbow but, we are fighters and ain’t nobody going to tell us what we can and can’t do. We are fierce and we choose to rise up, show up and be noticed.

I feel like a game of tug of war and I am the rope. Every day I am being pulled back and forth from staying positive and sinking into the negative. It’s a struggle I’ve dealt with for most of my adult life but, now that I am so close to the promiseland (haha), I feel the tug even more. That’s how I know I am on the right path. It’s kind of like with me and Honey. When we were in our stride, that’s when outside and inside forces really tried to pull us apart. Our own self doubts and then other people that didn’t want to see us succeed did everything to ruin what God had divinely brought together. When we were going through difficult times we were messing things up ourselves but, when we were doing well, there were so many more forces trying to pull us apart. Recently we were the best we had been in a while. Yes, of course there were certain things that weren’t perfect that we were working on but, we were doing well. So well that we were planning our wedding and trying for a baby. But, those forces that had been trying so long to break us up finally got the best of our relationship. That force took my soulmate but, I refuse to let it get me too. Over my dead body.

Don’t judge a person by who they used to be, pay attention to who they are now, find out about where they are trying to go. You may be able to play a part, be a passenger on their road to success, a guiding light when they are lost. If we are winning the battle against our past, don’t try to bring it to the present, leave it where it is. There has been enough suffering and I’m sure a lot of work to forget and move past it all. I’ve been thinking of some of the choices I’ve made and still believe that I wouldn’t change things because of where I am at. This path of self discovery instead of self destruction is exactly what I needed. I could have done with less pain but, it’s making me stronger. I’m building walls, I’m setting boundaries, I’m not as weak as I once was. My girl reminds me that I can be strong and not take any shit while remaining soft and loving. She’s the best of both worlds and her momma is trying to be the same.

So long past, we’ve tussled enough and I came out the victor! I choose to keep the good and forget the bad… I don’t have room for it where I am headed.

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