In My Head

I am having a me day. I have had a yucky gut feeling the last few days and I haven’t figured out what it pertains to. My brain is working overtime now to try to pinpoint the cause and I just want to move past it. Luckily for what’s going on, I didn’t have to go to work, I am able to stay home and work it out or ignore it…. I spent most of the day talking to my mom and Nana, I napped with Jeremiah and Raiyhn for a bit, talked to my uncle on the phone multiple times and we ended the night by making dinner. Overall, it was a good day.

I have been so in touch with my intuition lately, things have been coming to me, as I said, God and the universe have been sending messages my way for me and about me but, because I have become so aware, I am also recognizing other things as well. I think all of this is what has to do with my gut as well, but, my gut has never been wrong and the fact that I have a bad feeling is not a good a sign. It’s not my issue so I need to leave it be, I can’t fix things when my help is not wanted.

Speaking of my intuition being on point, the other day I noticed a friend changed his profile picture on FB and I got a weird vibe, wondering about him and his wife. Today I saw that his wife changed her profile picture and then noticed that her last name was changed to her maiden name. That made me think back to when I saw his profile picture and the feeling that I got. I knew just by seeing his profile picture that something wasn’t right. It was a crazy feeling this morning. We aren’t close so I won’t pry but, I hope they won’t be another casualty of the stupid pandemic.

My mom was talking about when I was younger and kept bringing up things I didn’t remember. I told her that maybe there was something wrong with my memory and she said, you were busy getting good grades, and involved in so many things, the things you remember are important to you. That’s what I’ve been saying for a while, no, I can’t tell you what I ate for breakfast a month ago, shoot, or last week but, I can tell you about when Miah was little and would lay his head on my chest to hear my heartbeat and tap the beat, telling me that my heartbeat said Jeremiah, Jeremiah, Jeremiah. I can remember things good and bad that mean something to me. I don’t need to remember useless facts. I don’t have room for that. I have memorized every inch of my boys’ faces. I know the look and feel of their hands, the sound of their voices and laughs. I know their likes and dislikes and what makes them happy, sad, mad and what they want in the future. To me, all of this is more important than remembering a school project I did in middle school. I’m an overthinker and I’m always worried about something happening to me and being stuck without a way to contact them. Because of this fear, I make it a point to collect as much as I can to get me through. If I am hurt and dying, I don’t care what the state capitals are, I won’t be reciting them at that time. I will be picturing the faces of the ones I love, reliving my favorite memories and trying to place myself in one of them. I need to know that if something happens that would impair me in a way, I would still be okay. If I lost my sight, I have studied their faces long enough to never have to worry about forgetting what they look like, or how their hands feel in mine. What their hair smells like after a long day and all they want is me to rub their head. These are the things I choose to store in my memory.

Wow, I just got lost in that until Jeremiah started speaking to me right now. I think I’ve made my point. Right now, all of these memories are helping me through a tough time…and the bazillion pictures I have taken over the years. I may sound crazy but, judge and ye too shall be judged. I have my priorities straight. I have the confidence I was lacking, I am more sure of myself than I have ever been. I will do what makes my heart sing and it may not be your cup of tea, but, I’m somebody’s shot of jaeger.

I feel like my post today is like a trip down the rabbit hole but in my defense, I did rightly title it – In My Head…because, I’ve been in my head. I’m making progress don’t you think? Obviously I am not keeping things bottled in (well, the things I don’t have to). Every day is going to bring new challenges, new opportunities, which, depends on My outlook for the day. I wish I could just shut my brain off for a few minutes but, it doesn’t work that way. I’ll keep moving right along. I wouldn’t want to prove my naysayers right…. I’ve had enough disappointment as of late.

My health, wealth, abundance, love, etc, is just over the horizon. Until tomorrow my friends….

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