With Eyes Wide Open

Lord, I hear you! My mind is alert, my heart is receptive and I will never be the same in Jesus’ name! God is sending me signs and speaking through others at a rapid pace these days. I hope I am doing a good job noticing all of it, if not, I am sure he will continue to send them until I understand fully what it is that he is trying to teach me.

So, today is Charlie’s birthday, she is my son’s girlfriend. We went to go deliver her balloons, flowers and some goodies since they couldn’t do anything to celebrate. While we were there (in our face masks), her bff Jayden showed up as well. The kids were outside talking for a while and then Jayden told me to honk my horn when it turned 6pm. I didn’t understand what she meant. A few minutes later I look through my rear view mirror and there is a caravan of cars all honking their horns down the street to do one of those drive by birthday things. My heart filled with happiness, I was fighting back tears as family and friends paraded down the street in their cars with presents and balloons and signs, all honking and shouting out happy birthday to the birthday girl. It was a beautiful sight to see. I have seen quite a few of these on TikTok but to witness one in person is so much better!

I also got to chat with a dear friend of mine on and off today. Someone I haven’t seen in years and we don’t talk much. We were catching up and she always has a way of making me feel so good about myself. She is one of the strongest women I know and yet, in her eyes, it’s vice versa. I was overwhelmed with how much I needed to hear what she was saying to me. She reinforced that I am on the right path and she has no doubt that I will come out the other side victorious. We have been friends for over 15 years and even though we don’t talk often, we are always able to pick up right where we left off.

All of this got me thinking. I saw a meme on social media a few weeks ago about not saying that this pandemic will show us who truly cares because we are all just trying to survive. To a point, that is true, but, I am learning that in this pandemic, doing it with others, even if it’s a like on a post, or a quick “hi”, better yet a conversation – we are stronger. We don’t feel alone and like we are drowning. We are navigating through this “unknown” more successfully as we are encouraging one another to keep going.

Who would you show up for? Who would you do a drive through birthday celebration for when you couldn’t get out? Who would you call just to make sure they are okay and remind them that they will get through this…you will get through this, together?

I’ve worn myself thin lately, trying to be everything to everyone or nothing to the one. I am the one that is being called in the middle of the night because we may need to make an ER run, I am the one waking up every two hours to help my Nana to the restroom or every 6 hours for her to take her pain meds, I am the one going grocery shopping, all the shopping, gathering mail and meds and a million other things. All while making sure that Jeremiah is doing his schoolwork and getting the attention he needs. It seems overwhelming and a few months ago it would have been. Now, I realize how precious every second is. How honored it feels to be the one that your family relies on, the one they are calling to do the hard things. It sucks so bad to not have someone to lean on, to share the load with but, regardless, it’s got to get done. Just know, I AM the one who will show up! My best friend was a big supporter when Nana was in the hospital, checking on me daily, multiple times a day, I couldn’t thank her enough and then she reminded me that I would do the same for her, and I would. That’s who I am. I show up for my people. I support them, I believe in them, I am always in their corner – no matter where we are at in life.

I used to think I needed more to show up for me, I would feel sorry for myself that the ones I expected to didn’t. I would try to talk those I wanted to show up for me into doing so. How silly was I? You shouldn’t want someone in your life that doesn’t want to be there. You shouldn’t have to convince anyone to show up, especially when you’re already feeling low. Contact like that should be genuine in order for it to fulfill it’s purpose. If I show up for you, I want to be there so, a reminder, if you show up for me, make sure it’s because that’s what you want. Don’t do it because you think it’s the right thing to do – stepping into a role you’re not ready for, a role you aren’t worthy of will do more damage than good in the long run. Just because you’re there for someone doesn’t mean they have to or are going to be there for you and vice versa. It’s their choice right? You can’t control someone else and you shouldn’t want to. In not asking anyone to show up for me, more and more are stepping up to the plate. Each reminding me of who I am and what I am capable of.

If you’ve been following me for a while, you can agree that this Stephie is not the same person that started this blog. It’s unreal how much I’ve learned about life and myself. I wake up ready to tackle the day and go to sleep speaking all things gratitude to God and praying for those I love. I like falling asleep saying my prayers (not because I don’t finish) but, because, I fell asleep happy and full of thanks!

My eyes are wide open, my heart is receiving so much love and my mind is racing in a positive way. Everything is pointing to a new beginning, I’m about to get everything I’ve ever wanted and more. I will be filled with health, wealth, abundance, happiness, love, etc. I will stand strong and with conviction, my journey will inspire others and I will go on to help people transition to who they are meant to be as well. I have to keep following my gut, my head and heart will follow.

If you don’t know who would show up for you, I urge you to take a moment to think about it. Some names should immediately pop-up in your head, if they don’t, then I would ask myself, who would I show up for? Perhaps it’s that you aren’t willing to show up for anyone and it doesn’t compel anyone to show up for you. If you think of someone that always shows up, through thick or thin, regardless of the situation, do you show up for them? Would you? If not, think about that too. Now is the time to make a change, don’t wait until tomorrow…it’s not promised.

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