For Me

Just to clear things up, this is about me, for me. Yes, I am on this journey because in the end, when I am happy and whole, everyone around me will benefit, especially my family. I choose who my family is – not blood, relation or what anyone else says. I’ve also accepted that even though someone is my family, doesn’t mean I’m theirs – that goes for blood, relation and what anyone else says.

I am stubborn and if you say left, I go right even if I’m wrong. I’ve always been that way. So, if you say I can’t do something, I am going to prove you otherwise. All of this I have been doing has been out of love and a deep wanting for more. Now there is a fire in my soul and I am a more determined than ever. Forget the stars, I’m shooting for Pluto! I’m not going to settle for well enough or a consolation prize. I’m thinking bigger than I ever have, what I am praying for is more than what I thought I wanted yesterday, I want it all – Health, Love, Loyalty, Respect, Stability, Adventure, Chaos, Wealth, Passion, and with it all, I want to give back, and save some pitties.

I am so much stronger than I was a month ago, and with some help yesterday, stronger than I was then. I am doing it and I’m doing it right. My intentions are pure and my heart is aligned with my head and my soul. I am choosing me. To be honest, I haven’t been doing so well with the whole weight thing but, damn, I am thinking I am sexy and when I’m ready, the weight will come off. I’m busy taking care of family and making sure that I take time for myself. It’s a struggle to not revert to what you know when you are moving into the unknown.

Don’t doubt what I am capable of, don’t doubt who I am. Those that love me…know me…they can’t deny me. I have turned away from bad habits, I have stopped belittling myself and convincing others of my worth. I think I’ve learned that when you know your worth, others see it too, you don’t have to show anyone nor have anything to prove. It’s amazing how much energy you waste uselessly when if you just come into your own, others see the true beauty inside. Things get me down now and again but, they don’t break me. I shed a tear or two and move on. As I’ve said before, what’s meant for me will find me and stay, what’s not will fade away. I am not chasing the stars anymore, they’re trying to catch up to me. I’m shining bright and dancing among them.

I’m free, I answer to only God and as long as I am in His good graces, nothing can stop me. My video yesterday caught me off guard. As in my posts, I don’t re-record, I don’t watch prior to posting it, but, when I did watch, I showed my Nana and we both cried. She said did you listen to what you said? Take your own advice, I told her that’s why I was crying. I already have the answers to everything I need and want to propel me forward, I just don’t listen to myself. Of course, I made fun of the faces I make and the too many ums but, wow, when the ums disappeared, that’s when the truest truths were being spoken, I didn’t have to um because the words just flowed. I didn’t cry! I wanted to, but, I didn’t. So, that’s me. I’m trying y’all. I hope you can see. People are taking notice and reaching out.

Anyways, onward and upward right? I will always be real and raw. I will always be me… just know, I’m growing and changing and evolving but, my foundation remains the same. To myself I now say that the house won’t fall when the bones are good. Damn straight, Stephie!!

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