Mother’s Day

Although in theory, momma’s get pampered today, I did the pampering, I did the mothering because, well, that never stops. I had to make sure that my Uncle was okay, which he is not (I am at my wit’s end) and of course my Nana and then, of course, Jeremiah and Raiyhn. There was a lot of running around but, it needed to be done and I was the one to do it.

I did get some lovely well wishes from friends and family, especially Miah. I love being a mom. I love my boys, but, I want a little girl. I just don’t know if that’s in the books for me anymore.

Ay, okay, I am not okay. I have been trying to fight it off but, today was hard. Missing half of the reason I love today sucked! Not having our annual Mother’s Day breakfast, not getting to hear my little one’s voice, not getting to share my day with my family. The tears just keep finding their way down my cheeks today. I am trying so hard to stay focused on what I need to do but, today’s my day so I guess I can cry if I want to.

Sometimes the world overwhelms me, it’s been less and less lately but, today, I met my match. I don’t like what’s happening, I know it’s not for me but, I also know that this transition, this learning process is necessary and I must stay the course. I am done doing the same thing. We deserve so much more and that’s exactly what I am working on. I have to be me, I have to love me, I have to shoot for the stars, because I am important, and I am meant for more than where I am at.

Anyways, I know I’m short today but, I’m spent. I rose to the challenge, I didn’t give up or give in, I didn’t get frazzled, but, it’s the end of a long day and I need to get my rest. Tomorrow already has challenges we will be facing and perhaps a road trip. I have to be in tip top shape.

I promise that I will get back on track tomorrow. I will dedicate more time to this and hopefully find the right words to say. As you can tell, when my mind is jumbled, so is my writing. Ugh.

Happy Mother’s Day and goodnight.

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