I heard a song for the first time today – it’s Getting Good by Lauren Alaina, I’ll make sure to share it at the bottom of this. She sings of when one thing happens then she will be where she needs or will find satisfaction in material things but, when it happens, it’s not as good as she thought, so then she has the epiphany that once she learns to grow right where she’s planted maybe that’s when life starts getting good. I think she’s on to something.
I am notorious for this. If I could just have a house with a garage and 4 rooms and etc, etc, then I would have a home. But, home is where you make it and I’ve learned that home for me is people, not a place. Home is my love, not a building. If I could just lose weight then I wouldn’t have to worry that he could leave me, but, he loved all of me at my heaviest and always told me I was sexy. If I could just do this or get that then I would have or be what I wanted. But, if you’re so busy looking for perfection in the future, waiting to check something off a list then you are missing the beauty of the process. You are rushing through the best part. I know this, I mean, it makes sense and I understand it, but, I get caught up and carried away. To have gone through something and come out the other side is more satisfying than getting a free ticket to pass go and collecting $200, am I right?
I know I am a broken record but, I hope in what I am saying, what I am learning is resonating with some of you and you’re learning right along with me, or perhaps you can learn from my mistakes. I had everything that made me happy, and yes, a few things that didn’t but, nothing is perfect. The good outweighed the bad, I was too blind to see it though. I was so focused on the future that I didn’t live in the present. I had a roof over my head, a car that worked, a job that paid me well, a family that loved me and a fire in my heart. The hopes, dreams and aspirations were there as well, and instead of dwelling on those, I should have made a plan, on how to reach them, created a timeline to ensure that we were on the right path to reach our goals in a timely manner. Focusing on the end result without having a plan to reach it can sometimes be worse than not having a goal at all. This is what was driving me mad…. wondering how to move forward while continuing to stand still.
I am changing my ways. It might be too late to fix what I messed up, to enjoy all of what I had. I am different though. Each day I wake up and thank God for the chance at a new day, a clean slate and endless possibilities. The world is moving slower now which means I’ve slowed my pace as well. I have time to sit on the swing and listen to the birds chirp, to reminisce about the past with my Uncle and laugh, to watch a show with my Nana and tease each other, to cuddle with Miah and Raiyhn without being distracted or having to rush somewhere. I was able to slow down enough to hear my own voice , with everything that whirs around in my brain daily, I was getting lost in the commotion. As you know, sometimes your head, heart and gut are not on the same page. I can hear me now, and what’ more… I’m listening. My heart swells thinking of all the good I have experienced in my life, all of the wonderful memories I have and love I’ve shared. Reversely, my heart aches for the missteps I’ve made, the wrong decisions, all of the wonderful things I took for granted or was too blind to see. What’s that saying? Something something….one day you might realize you lost the moon while counting the stars.
Take the day as it comes. Try your best to be the best version of you that day and allow for mistakes. Perfection is not real. Be real. Be you. Don’t try to be what anyone else wants or needs. You are just right for those that are right for you. If something doesn’t go your way, accept where you are at. Take a moment to internalize the situation. Give yourself a moment to catch your breath, forgive yourself and move on. But, hey, if something works out….celebrate the victory, regardless the size. Did you go all day without cussing, clap your hands. Did you do 20 squats out of the 100 you were planning on doing? 20 is better than 0, give yourself a pat on the back. Did you go all day without crying or putting yourself down? Do a little dance and be silly. Be present. Sure, the future is going to be great…when you get there. But, today is your future from last week, last month, last year, and today is just as important as next week. Tomorrow isn’t promised so we can’t put all of our eggs in that basket. We need some to eat today!
As you can tell, my soul is calling for me, the universe is speaking to me and I am listening. I am here with open arms to receive what’s meant for me. One of the last lyrics of the song says that I’m thinking once I learn to soak up every moment I’ll realize my life is already good , thank God my life is already good. Yes, thank you God! I love the life I am living. I know that there are pieces missing, a smedium and a mlarge one, oh and a Rules.Aren’t.For.Everyone. one. All I can do is appreciate the moments when all of the pieces of my puzzle were together, look back on the pictures and videos and know that life was good. Send thanks out into the universe and trust that God has a plan. I have to be ready for whichever direction He sends me and so I understand where I stand and how I got here. I’m a better version of myself now. What it takes to make me happy is so much simpler and my ability to love is on a grander scale than I ever knew possible.
God speaks to you in many different ways and today, he used a very beautiful song to show me what I was doing wrong and how I can go about fixing it. My life is already good. I pray soon it will be even better!