The world as we know it is not what it once was…nor is my life. Patience is being forced upon me or I risk losing my mind. I make plans… I like structure and knowing where I am going. This situation is allowing me to let go and allow for flexibility. It’s something I am working on.
Tomorrow was supposed to be a big day for me. I should be rushing around getting things in order and planning to be inundated with well wishes on a day filled with family and friends…celebrating for our union in the fall. Instead we are stuck with stay at home orders and in this solitude, I find myself alone. I am doing my best to not overthink it, keeping in mind that God is in control and I must remain in faith for what is planned for my life. Tomorrow was going to be a beautiful day and I can fantasize about what I would have liked to happen. So, I am living in that right now and knowing that what is in store is greater than what my imagination allows.
I have been seeing Let It Be everywhere lately, messages on TikTok or songs on the radio, looking at pinterest and seeing the tattoo that I want on my foot, it’s all for a reason. God gives us signs if we allow ourselves to receive the message. I’m learning that I have no control, that only person, place or thing I have control over is myself. I have no decision over a situation or issue, I may be able to influence it but the decision is not ultimately mine. I do however, have complete control over my reaction, my response, how I pose myself after the fact. This is what I am working on and learning how to control. I am a very emotional being and I always think with my heart first. I have no desire to change that but, I can change my impulsive nature to think the worst, to leave the Chicken Little part of myself behind. If I am forced to go this on my own, I have no time to have my head in the clouds so to speak. I have to be alert and level headed and able to make a rational decision within seconds. Oh, am I thankful for these past years that I was able to lean on him. No time to get all caught up with overthinking or the woulda, coulda, shoulda, I give it to God and Let it Be.
What’s meant for me will find a way and what’s not will fade away.
Accepting all I am learning is freeing. The stress I carry in my body is not as it was before. I don’t go to bed with worry, only gratitude as I thank God for the day I was given and for what the next day holds. My heart, my soul are not what they once were. If I could see inside, oh, what I beautiful sight it would be.
As I say Let It Be, I understand that all of the internal work I have done is surprising and invigorating. Now, I have to work on my health and body. This is my new focus. In a couple of weeks I will be able to start working on what I want to start doing, so, these next two weeks will give me time to make my health the priority….creating new habits and breaking others so that I can maintain when it’s time to switch gears.
If you’re going through anything and feeling lost, not knowing where to start, just know that it’s okay and you aren’t alone. Take this time to prioritize your life. Don’t do what is expected of you, put in the hard work, listen to what you truly need and then take action. No one can tell you what to do to get where you are going. We are all unique and your story is different than mine. I suggest that you follow your gut… at the end of the day, you’re only forced to live with yourself. Can you live with yourself? With how you live your life? With who you share it with? One step at a time, okay?
Just let it be…..