Yesterday I said that I needed to figure out what it is I wanted to do. I mean, I have had an idea but wasn’t sure how to make it work. Low and behold, it all came together today. I can’t believe it is finally going to happen. I have to order some things and then I have to figure out how to do everything but, the pieces are falling into place. I know what it is I need, I know how to do it and I can be as creative as I want and even branch out to other things if I choose.
Since I became a mother, I thought that time spent on myself was selfish. I am happy doing for my family but, I realized a while ago that if I worked on being a better me, they would benefit as well. It’s hard to break habits when you’ve been doing the same thing for so long, when you don’t know where to start and you don’t feel you have time to dedicate to something new…especially myself. I for one am so grateful for this time we’ve been given. I have time to think, time to pause and enjoy what I am doing right at the moment. I am making time to talk to God, I find myself thanking him many times throughout the day for little things rather than only praying at night. I have enough time to take care of and spend time with Miah and Raiyhn, I can sit and watch a show with Nana and Stevie and get in a few good laughs and still have time for me. I was sitting out on the porch in the swing now with the temperature rising I am going to have to figure something else out.
I have been told many times that when I loved myself I would be able to love and be loved more than I was aware was possible. Now I understand. By loving myself, I am allowing more love in instead of feeling unworthy and not accepting the love being given to me. I am able to love people wholly, for who they are and not who I think or want them to be. I notice that I look at myself in the mirror more…. how is it going to be when I am at my goal weight? Haha! I make sure to smile back and me, tell myself I love me and a few other words of affirmation. I am learning to love who I am with no makeup on and to not feel discouraged when a new gray hair pops up. I love myself and although things have not gone how I planned, there is still a beauty inside me. I am uniquely me and I know that some say I am difficult to get along with, but, there are a few special individuals that let me in as I have let them in. They know me better than I know myself and are completely honest even if it hurts. Their love for me solidifies that I am special.
When you let go of trying to control everything and listen to the universe you can live the life that was meant for you. Oh my goodness, the happiness overwhelms the sadness and then you are able to think clearly and know what it is you are meant to do. The ideas are coming and they won’t stop. I am swimming feverishly now and it’s fun! I know, Stephie just having fun…who would have thought? I love being silly.
Anyways, kind of all over the place today but, I have so much to be thankful for.
Get ready to help me be a success.