I am excited that today is Easter. Although we can’t be with all of our family, at least we are able to be with each other! The sun is shining brightly and the weather is just perfect. We are going to have a nice dinner a bit later and enjoy the company of each other. I can’t wait.
So, this week I have done some incredible things in my life. I have forgiven those that I have continued to hold a grudge with. What a weight lifted off of my shoulder. I’ve had some serious conversations with God. Taking full responsibility for the role I played in the situations I am trying to correct. I get so caught up in trying to keep things the same I don’t always look at the full picture. I now understand that the vision God has for us is to not keep things the same. We need to appreciate what we have and where we are at but always keep changing, keep growing, keep pushing for more. HE is capable of all things and HE wants us to believe BIG!
The best part of all of this is how I feel about myself. It is an incredible feeling to look at myself in the mirror and not be disgusted by who I see staring back at me. I actually felt pretty yesterday with minimal makeup on and my hair in a bun. I have lost almost 10 pounds since this quarantine thing. Instead of thinking of how much further I have to go, I am celebrating the loss. It’s proof that what I am doing is working. I am happier than I have been in a long time (don’t get me wrong, there’s something in my life that I am continuously praying on but, I gave that to God), I am happy with myself! Happy with who I am and how I am and what I am doing. I feel like I am enough, I bring so much to the table and I’m ready to take a seat at it! Last night I sat on the porch for a long time, thinking and praying and just enjoying the night sky, listening to the water. Again, being a peace with myself, learning to like the solitude, these are big steps for me.
I think as my mind gets less jumbled, it is showing in my writing. A couple of days ago I stared at the screen for hours trying to put a sentence together and today it’s flowing. I am sitting on my bed watching Miah play his video game. I watched Pastor Obed and Lissette give their Easter message earlier and got to talk to Charlie (Miah’s girlfriend). I am going to hopefully video chat with some family today.
For years I’ve had imaginary shackles on my ankles…weighing myself down by things that I couldn’t control, I guess holding on to them until I could control or “fix” them away. I can now admit, I can’t control everything, I can’t “fix” everything, God is in control and I have surrendered everything to Him. I’m so much lighter than those 10 pounds I’ve lost. Jesus, take the wheel.
I am thankful for the lessons I am learning, for the burdens I was finally able to release, for the happiness with myself. I look forward to the growth that will come next week and the plans being made for the future. I trust in God’s plan for my life and pray that He will restore what’s currently missing in my life.