Making Plans

I’ve been in a rut the last few days…as if you didn’t already know. I haven’t come out of it yet but, I have a few rays of sunshine during this rainstorm. We will get out of this. The stay at home order will end. But, I don’t want to wait until then to have a game plan.

Easter is on Sunday and we are going to try to make the most of it. I have to go grocery shopping tomorrow anyways, so, I am going to get things to have an Easter dinner with the family. Hopefully I will be able to get a couple of things for Easter as well. Just the thought of this makes me happy. Having a sense of normalcy, hopefully not my new normal, but, it brings calm to me.

My Uncle was talking to me and Miah about camping and I’ve never been. He was telling me of things he’s done camping in Oregon and then spring break in Havasu. I am usually a homebody but the thought of getting outside and for long periods of time sounds like music to my ears. We are planning a camping trip.

The only time outside we have right now is when we take Raiyhn for her walk. The weather is beautiful but walking with masks is not fun. I feel like I can’t breathe with that damn thing on. But, we are free to enjoy the cold breeze and the sun beaming down on us. Miah runs with Raiyhn and I follow close behind. Being with my babies makes me happy too!

So, this has me thinking of what else I want to do when this is all done. I want to spend time with MY family. I want to get my Event Planning business started, I want to volunteer with my kids, go hiking, hang out with friends, be around people, help and inspire.

I always choose to stay inside, I watch from the sidelines instead of playing the game. I’m changing that. I am being vulnerable, am putting myself out there. I am not longer ashamed of who I am, what I look like and what others will think. I need to lose weight but, so what? Hey, going outside and being active will help the pounds come off. My birthday is in almost two months and this year was supposed to monumental for me. Plans may have changed but, I have the power to make me Happy & Healthy in 2020.

My life is crazy but, it usually always is. My family is not perfect but, it’s mine. I’m not where I thought I would be right now but, I wouldn’t change anything because I am blessed to have the people I have in my life, to have the memories that I have and to love and be loved. People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I can’t control which of the three a particular person will fit into but, it’s not for me to decide. It’s not my choice right?

I am committed to being the best version of me, to continue this journey as I desperately seek Stephie and to those that love me. I am sorry for what we’ve been through and for how long I’ve been treading water. I thank you all for never giving up on me and loving me unconditionally. Your confidence in me is what has given me the strength to know that I can get through anything. The sky may be falling but, I will be okay.

Let’s start making plans. What are we going to do when this is all over? What are we going to mean to each other? What adventures are we going to go on? What will we learn? What will we teach others? How can we help make this world a better place? I’m ready. Are you?

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