Dust Yourself Off and Try Again

Aaliyah was one of my favorite singers when I was in high school and Try Again was one of my favorites of hers. If you listen to the words, she’s asking a guy basically if things don’t go right or his way if he would just walk away or try again to make it work with her. My mom thinks of me with this song not for the lyrics but just the chorus as I always would dust myself off and try again.

Let’s start with my mom’s version. When I was in school I had my eyes on the prize. There’s nothing I couldn’t do and if there was…challenge accepted, I was going to do it. I loved being the teacher’s pet, I was the Captain of Colorguard/Winterguard, in various clubs, had a part-time job, got good grades and had a boyfriend my Senior Year. I was always an overachiever. I had a high standard for myself, my mom never needed to get on me (except for cleaning the house). I was a good girl, never got in trouble or experimented with drugs. I wasn’t good at everything but, I tried my best and would keep trying until I did whatever it was to my satisfaction. That’s the version of me that my family wants back. To have the bravery to keep trying when I get knocked down instead of staying down and beating myself up. I keep thinking I’m a failure, but, how could that be true and these boys of mine look at me like I am incredible? Jeremiah loves that his friends talk to me and shares with me what’s going on. For a high school kid to want to share with his parent is a big deal. Proof I am doing something, even a small thing, right. My little Brad, he comes and hugs me all of the time, kisses my cheek and tells me that he loves me so much. I love it because he does it randomly. It means that he thought about me and his thoughts were so good that he had to come love on me. Again, a small something that I am doing right. Yeah, I’ve let myself stay down for quite a while and not tried much for fear of failure but, I can’t do that anymore, I won’t.

As for the lyrics of the song, that’s kind of what I’ve based relationships on. If I tell you no, will you still stay? If you don’t succeed at something will you try again? I’m not the easiest person to get along with. I change my mind suddenly and just all around a lot to handle. Too much for some people. I think some guys have liked the challenge of getting me but once the newness wore off, the day to day was not something they were willing to do. It takes a special person to understand that being with me may have its challenges but I’m worth it…because, I am. I never give up on the one I love and always forgive. I would never hurt them and I’ll always try my best.

Isaac understands me. We tease that I am Sadness from the movie Inside Out and he has to drag me like Joy dragged her. Funny, not funny. He doesn’t sugar coat things for me. He forces me to see the world for what it is instead of through my rose colored glasses and in the same instances realizes when it’s too much for me and then takes on the burden of being educated on worldly matters and filters to me what I need to know. When I have a panic attack, he gets the boys distracted on something else so they can’t see my ticks, he knows exactly what to say and do. He knows when to leave me be and when to pull me in and after the episode is over and I start crying, he has me lay my head on his chest to calm me and runs his fingers through my hair. His strength goes way beyond the literally sense. My whole life I’ve had to carry the load myself, never feeling secure enough to allow someone to take it on as their own. I’ve always longed for a “break” knowing that I could take a breath and everything would be okay. Isaac is the first person that did that for me. I know that he’s always going to be there. He’s never going to let me fall. He’ll let me fail (if he has to) but only for a lesson to be learned so that I can grow and step out of the comfort zone I was in. He is wise beyond his years and when he or I fall, even if it’s with hesitation, he allows us to try again.

In the same breath, I may not always be in my own corner but, I am always in his. When he is feeling down or doubting his ability, I make sure to remind him just how incredible he is. If you don’t know him, let me tell you, God broke the mold when creating him. This man has a God given gift to speak to anyone and naturally build a real connection. He is loved by young and old and respected by his elders. He’s an old soul. Isaac has gone through his own trials and tribulations and still has to deal with some demons and he meets everything head on. In the few times that he hasn’t, I’ve been there to help guide him through like he always does for me. I am honored and blessed to know him and love him…to be in his corner. He’s meant for big things. He has such a great heart and a student like mentality – always looking to learn something new and then share his newfound knowledge with those that could benefit from it. He has plans to give back to all of those that have helped him along the way and then extend that help to even more people. I wish he had more confidence in himself but, then I may not have anything to offer. I believe in him enough for the both of us.

Baby, I’m making moves, I’m no longer standing still. I will fall and I will fail but, I promise to continue to dust myself off and try again, and again and again.

I thank you for being you and loving me.

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