Flawed but Open

I love Hallmark movies… I’m watching one now and in the beginning of the movie, the lead actress said that she was flawed but open in a letter. That resonated with me. I am flawed but open. Many people that deemed themselves as flawed are closed off. But, I am not. That’s something that makes me unique. I may have many scrapes and scuffs but, I still see the beauty in everything and now I am starting to see the beauty in me.

I had a wonderful video chat with my sister today. Oh, it was so good to connect. I was able to see my beautiful nephew and even got phone kisses from him. My sis, she is doing good for herself. She wants to grow as well but she is starting her journey more optimistic about herself than I started. Family is so important to me and I can’t wait to have more conversations with her and hopefully when this whole stay at home is over, I can make a trip to her to be able to hold that gorgeous nephew of mine. Again, thanks for being what I needed at the moment sis.

I promised her a new video on Instagram and I will be getting to that shortly. I am showered and all did up. I must admit that I have been dreading that recording. But, I made a promise to my sister and a commitment to myself. Getting ready was different. I have nowhere to go so I didn’t do my hair as well as I normally do but, my makeup… I noticed that I put on my makeup but don’t really look at myself. Today I slowed down. I still love my eyes and my lips look great with the lipstick. I am aging. Today has been a day of highs and lows and smiles and tears. The weight of my world is showing on my face today. I would rather not record but that’s even more reason to do so. I have to accept all of me. Like I tell my boys – happy, sad, good or bad, I will always love you. Well, that now goes for me too. I need to show up for me.

I have made many mistakes in my life, I am stubborn and slow to make changes. I love with my whole heart. I love hard and strong and to me, this outweighs anything else. Love conquers all. Or so I thought. I am finding out that sometimes love loses when not all involved believe in love over everything else. I rather have love than be rich or famous. I’ve always said I rather live in a box on the side of the road and be loved than in a big mansion void of love. But, that’s me and I can’t push that on anyone else. If I can give any advice, I may be wrong about many things, not this. Love! Love your people. Love them with ALL that you have. I have never regretted loving. I will never stop loving. I’m a lover, not a fighter. If you’re a fighter, I’m not telling you to lose that but, how about you fight for love? When we pass away, we don’t get to take the CEO position we held or that luxury car or the acreage of land we own, we take with us the memories of the people we love. I have so many memories and in my world, that makes me rich beyond my wildest dreams.

This path of discovery I am on, it’s not for the faint of heart. Some will be drawn to me and others will stay with me. Unfortunately, I have to be realistic and accept that there are a few that will want to get off the ride. I’m not ready for that, I don’t want that but, if that’s what your heart desires, I wish you farewell. I thank you for your company to this point. I can’t be wishy washy anymore. I am moving forward. I need the people in my corner to be as faithful to me as I am them. I need to them to ride this ride with me and never want to get off. Sure, there will be stops along the way, forks in the road, flat tires and oil changes…hopefully we will even upgrade to a nicer vehicle but, there’s no getting off.

I’m flawed but open. I can accept that and I hope all of those that love me can too.

Lookout for the video…. it’s next.

Are we there yet? Lol

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